Demand avoidance and discernment based learning
There's a concept in adult learning that boils down to... adults learn when they understand why the thing matters to them. They call it the "WIIFM" (what's in it for me)
I actually think this is a human learning concept that somehow got completely missed when early childhood education principles and practices were being formed.
Strangely, when we talk about adults needing this... we see prioritizing the WIIFM as the obvious and respectful thing to do.
But when we talk about children needing this, we/society sees it as inappropriate and even unacceptable.
What does this have to do with autism?
Well, autistic kids struggle a lot with being told to do things when they don't understand why they are being told to do them.
Or if they simply disagree that it's the correct thing to do. ("Go hug your uncle Tony, he's missed you." "Ummm no, that makes me uncomfortable.")
And think about how important it is for children to be able to discern when an adult can be trusted or not.
Do we want all children to just trust all adults and do as they say when they say it?
Of course not.
So when a child questions why an adult is asking them to do something, we shouldn't be teaching them to ignore their questions.
Instead, we should be explaining the logic to them so they are able to employ that logic when a trusted adult isn't around.
(And in doing so, we may discover that the "logic" wasn't actually logical at all or had significant flaws.)
And even more importantly, we should be teaching them to trust their own feelings when an adult is telling them to do something that doesn't feel right.
This is not just "kind of" important.
It's crucial.
When adults respond with questions about why something is being taught or why they should do something they're being asked to do, the response is to reconsider the learning strategy and approach.
Not to accuse the adult learner of being obstinate.
(This does sometimes happen, but that's because of problematic educators, not a problematic system. And I say this as someone who's been an adult learning educator for over 20 years.)
But when autistic children question why they're being asked to do something (or any child for that matter... but autistic children do this much more frequently) it is deemed as obstinance... defiance... problematic...
Behavior that needs to be corrected. Immediately.
Rather than questioning the strategy... the child is seen as the problem.
(And this is systemic and foundational. This is not because of bad educators. More on this in a second.)
My take on all of this as a learning professional and expert is that the foundations of early childhood education are the problem.
Not our children. And certainly not our autistic children.
What's missing in our early childhood programming is the "why"... the "WIIFM."
Aka treating our children with the same level of respect that we give our adult learners.
To be clear, I am not criticizing teachers. (Teachers are amazing and we are lucky to have them for so. so. many reasons ).
What I'm doing here is calling attention to a monumental gap that needs to be looked at and addressed. One that can't and won't be fixed overnight.
In fact, it will probably take generations to fix. But it needs sincere attention. Now. Not 10 years from now.
Because our children are not defiant. Not even our autistic children.
They are human.
And they deserve to understand why they are being asked (let's be honest, in most cases, told) to do things.
But also because this will make learning better for everyone. IF we work together to fix it. From the ground up.
P.s. I call this reframe Discernment-Based Learning.
I'm prepared to help make this change happen if there are people in the early childhood education system willing to accept my contributions.