Autistic people are not rigid, “just because”

One of the most frustrating misunderstandings about autism is that autistic people are "rigid." Full stop. End of story.

In other words, most people (even practitioners!) think we are rigid because our brains are "just wired that way." Even the diagnostic criteria present autism this way.

But this could not be farther from the truth. (And I'll explain why in a second)

But the reason I find this so frustrating, is that most people seem so focused on calling us "stubborn," "hard-headed," and "obstinate," that they don't stop to ask WHY we're being rigid.

And the truth is, there are so. many. extremely valid reasons if you look beneath the surface. 

So for those willing to understand why autistic people are rigid, I'm going to share two of the main reasons... and what the internal experience is for many of us.

1. A lot of our rigidity is related to our sensory sensitivities. 

If someone is asking us to do something we know will cause us intense, even intolerable discomfort (and I do literally mean intolerable)... we're going to "fight" them on it. 

This is for survival. Not preference.

I think many nonautistic people misunderstand us in these situations because they do actually understand that there's a discomfort associated with the ask... but their personal experience with the discomfort is mild. Probably a bit annoying. 

So, when someone is acting like the world is ending over something they personally see as just annoying, they'll, of course see the other person's response as a monumental overreaction.

There's a lot of research explaining why autistic people react this way. 

I'll link to a couple studies below, but essentially, the research has shown that autistic brains filter sensory information differently than nonautistic brains... and that sensory inputs in autistic brains often trigger PAIN, FEAR, and SURVIVAL responses.

So, we're not being rigid in these instances "just because"... we're being rigid for SELF-PROTECTION.

The next reason I want to talk about is one that often shows up in social contexts and explains a lot of our interpersonal and relationship difficulties...

2. Many of us are rigid because we are trying to protect our internal coherence. Meaning, we're trying to keep our mental model of the world coherent and sensical.

This has a lot to do with everything I've been discussing lately regarding bottom up processing.

I think autistic people live and die by our internal coherence. 

And I do mean this literally.

Our internal coherence is how we survive in a world that's often extremely dangerous for us.

I know these statements sound like exaggerations, but they are not. 

Many of us have experienced mental, emotional, psychological, and even physical abuse because of the way we "naturally" behaved early in life.

So, we learned to adjust our behavior to survive. 

We had to learn when our responses and reactions put us in danger, and how to adjust accordingly for self-protection.

We had to study (and I do, literally, mean "study") the rules we see others abiding by so we can follow them to survive.

We had to build an internal map of everything we've been exposed to so we could prevent and avoid repeat trauma in the future. 

We used our internal model of the world as armor... a shield... and in some cases, a weapon... to SURVIVE.

And we learned that this schema only protects us when it's hardened. Unshakable. Or else... we are vulnerable and exposed all over again.

So, are we rigid? Technically, yes. We are. 

But we're not rigid because our brains are "just wired that way."

We're rigid for a very. good. reason. To keep us safe. And in some cases, alive.

BUT that's not where the story ends when it comes to our rigidity.

Because we ALSO learned another, equally important skill of survival...

Discernment. 

We learned that at any time, we might discover that our mental schema is wrong. 

That we built and fortified it with compromised "materials." 

And that our schema has steered us into unsafe, even dangerous territories.

So we learned that it's sometimes necessary to reevaluate what we think we know... and adjust. In other words, be flexible. (The exact opposite of rigid.)

Which has ALSO become part of our survival toolkit...

Discerning when we need to reevaluate, adjust, and then strengthen our newly refined internal structure for better protection in the future.

Which is why I think this misunderstanding about autistic people being rigid misses the bigger, FAR more important picture. 

We are not rigid "just because" we're wired to be rigid.

We are rigid to protect our internal coherence.

For safety. And survival. 

But we are not exclusively rigid. And our flexibility is also crucial for our survival.

If you made it to the end of this post... thank you for hearing me out.

I hope this has helped you better understand and appreciate the internal autistic experience.