Did you know there’s a word for the pathological fear of being misunderstood? It’s ambiguphobia... and I feel like it needs to be studied in the context of autism because I’m convinced they would find the prevalence to be off the charts for autistic people.  

But, anyway, a lot of you said you’d be interested in hearing about my strategy for dealing with this, so here it is. It’s saying this: “I think you’re misunderstanding me. But I can’t think of a different way to explain what I’m trying to say so you understand it better.”

And then, if the person is well intentioned and someone I care about, this usually opens up the conversation in a very positive way and gives the person an opportunity to ask clarifying questions so we can get on the same page. 

But if it’s a person I know isn’t interested in understanding me better, or worse, wants to actively discredit or demonize me, I immediately extract myself from the conversation. And it feels much less painful doing this after I’ve said my earlier statement...

Because now, the last words spoken between me and the other person are an assertion that the person has misunderstood me.

And this becomes ESPECIALLY significant on social media, particularly in public comments sections where there are observers.

Because when I say the statement I mentioned earlier, any observer reading the exchange will know that I believe what the person is claiming I’ve said is a misrepresentation of it. So they are less likely to accept it as fact without deciding for themselves if they agree.

And people accepting falsehoods about me as fact is actually what gives me the most anxiety when it comes to being misunderstood. 

Not that a random person on the internet misunderstood me, but that that random person will perpetuate a negative and incorrect narrative about me. 

Which is why I feel the desperate need to explain myself in these situations... because it’s not just a misunderstanding I’m trying to address... it’s usually also a negative (and sometimes extreme) mischaracterization of me as a person.

But using this strategy allows me to walk away from the conversation with about a million percent less anxiety (even though the situation is technically still unresolved).

Because at the very least, I have made it clear that I do not stand behind the claims the person is making about what I’ve said... or the implications they are making about me as a person.

And that really does make ALL the difference.

If you struggle with ambiguphobia, I’m super curious if any of this resonates with you... especially if you are autistic or otherwise neurodivergent. Please let me know  

Important note: This is NOT a medical term. Just a word used by people who experience this to describe the feeling!

Alright, that’s all I got for now. 

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