PDA and the autistic need for autonomy

More on "pathological demand avoidance" (PDA) also referred to as a "persistent drive for autonomy" or what I personally think should be called the "autistic need for autonomy" (ANA) since it's not a desire but an actual need...

I think external demands and internal "demands" should be considered separate things. 

And I don't personally see the internal experience as being about demands at all.

So, external demands... when someone is telling you to do something, but your brain says no... that's very clearly a demand avoidant response. 

But with internal "demands"... 

When a person *wants* to do something, but can't... I don't think what's happening in the brain is the same as when someone *else* wants them to do something... but they can't, or won't. 

When another person is demanding something and the brain simply won't do it... there's an alignment issue. 

The brain is saying, that isn't going to work for me. It's misaligned to what the person thinks they need (consciously or subconsciously).

And as I've been saying for the past few days, this is because the brain sees the demand as a threat to a need. 

One example is safety. If the brain considers the demand a threat to safety, it will refuse to do it.

Autonomy is another need the autistic brain might consider threatened when there is an external demand.

(I don't think the demand avoidant experience is exclusive to autonomy. A topic I wish were discussed more in autistic spaces.)

But when a person WANTS to do something... but can't, I don't see that as demand avoidant behavior. 

At that point it's not a demand, it's a desire. But the brain still perceives some type of threat, and the nervous system is activated into fight/flight/freeze mode... which impacts a person's executive functioning.

And the brain sees that threat as absolutely real... but the trigger is different than when the demand is external.

The way I see it, the internal experience has more to do with task initiation (struggling to start a task) than demand avoidance (avoiding a task because it is a demand).

And there are countless reasons a person might struggle to do something they actually want to do.

- Fear of failure.

- Anxiety related to uncertain outcomes.

- Sensory anxiety. 

- Not knowing the steps needed to get to the end goal.

- Burnout.

- Depression.

And there are MANY other reasons this can occur as well.

All of which, in my opinion, relate to unmet needs... but not in the same way external demands do. Which, as I mentioned earlier, is more about a lack of alignment with what the brain thinks it needs.

I know a lot of people feel seen by the concept of PDA, and I am not here to invalidate the experience. 

Because I know how it feels as an autistic person myself... and I know the internal experience is absolutely real. And intense. And can absolutely be incapacitating.

I'm just challenging some of the assumptions and assertions about the "why" behind it. 

Because I believe there is always a reason. One that can be addressed (for the benefit of the autistic person, not the benefit of others) IF it is identified. 

And I don't think it's helpful to say our avoidant responses are "just because" our brain is wired to not tolerate demands. 

I think it's much more helpful to try and understand why the behavior is occurring in the first place so we can focus on the things that can actually help us (or our autistic loved ones).

Which means figuring out the need behind the reaction... and helping make sure that need is met. 

All needs.

Even the ones that are the hardest to identify.