Autistic masking is complicated

Autistic masking is way more complicated and nuanced than I think most autistic people realize.

For example, I haven't seen anyone talk about the fact that, as autistic people, we often need other autistic people to mask for us so our autistic needs are met.

Example... if another autistic person's stim is shaking their leg, the only way for me to be in their presence is if they stop shaking their leg.

It's not a choice for me to be there while their leg is shaking. My anxiety shoots through the roof when this happens and I am simply not okay.

So, if I need to be in the same room as another autistic person who's stim is shaking their leg, I need to ask them to accommodate me.

Just like, they might ask me to not talk about my special interest incessantly because they don't have the mental bandwidth for it. (Even though that might be what I feel I need in that moment.)

Again, we're talking about two autistic people here.

This isn't about forcing or unfairly demanding the other autistic person to suppress their needs.

It's about figuring out how we can both be okay in a shared space.

Unmasking is not the goal (which seems to be the prevailing mentality in most autistic spaces these days).

Finding mutual ground where both autistic people are able to exist in a way that works for them is the goal.

Autistic masking isn't evil. Or even inherently harmful.

It can absolutely be harmful, but it can also absolutely be necessary.

Not for the other person, but for yourself as an autistic person.

And I sincerely don't think this nuance is acknowledged, let alone discussed in most autistic discourse.

I hope some of you will join me in acknowledging and discussing the nuance. ❤️