So, half of an autism diagnosis has to do with social communication differences. If you're not sure what that means and want to know more, this video is for you. 😊

So, I'll start with how the DSM breaks these differences down. It lists 3 examples.

1. Lack of social-emotional reciprocity in conversation

2. Nonverbal communication challenges (mainly eye contact and body language differences)

3. Relationship difficulties (the examples it includes are not showing interest in peers, difficulty making friends, and difficulty adjusting behavior in social contexts)

Now, from a diagnostic standpoint, a person needs to have all 3 of these communication differences to get an autism diagnosis. (If a person has only 1 or 2 of these, even if they meet the second set of criteria, they wouldn't be diagnosed with autism.)

Now, social communication differences show up differently for everyone. But I'll share some examples of how they show up for me as a level 1 autistic person to put it into more concrete terms.

The first one... Lack of a social-emotional reciprocity in conversation...

As a 41 year old adult, I've learned (the hard way) over the course of my life to adjust myself in conversation so I don't seem uncaring or uninterested in other people. 

Because of this, most people wouldn't see this aspect of my autism just by observing me...

But internally, I'm always thinking about how much I'm speaking as compared to the other person, and even overcompensate most of the time so I'm speaking LESS... just to be extra safe. But the amount of effort that goes into this for me is immense... and honestly, pretty exhausting.

Ok, the second one... Nonverbal communication challenges...

For me, I can definitely give eye contact... it's just not something I do naturally... or comfortably.

When I do give eye contact, it is 100% of the time intentional, and I have a very hard time concentrating on the conversation because all I can think about is how weird it is to be looking directly into someone else's eyes.

And when I'm talking about something that requires a lot of mental effort, I automatically default to looking basically anywhere but at the other person. And a lot of the time, I end up looking down... which I think is one of my few more obvious autistic traits.

Ok, the third one... Relationship difficulties...

So, this one is definitely a big one for me. But I don't think most people would know that just by looking at me...

I've been married for 13 years. I have a dear friend I've known for most of my life, several extremely close friends that I've known since college, and several from adulthood... all who I know adore me and are genuinely happy to have me in their lives. But...

Relationships have always been a challenge for me, and learning how to create an equal balance in them is a skill I've had to work on all my life... and continue to have to work on. There's nothing natural or easy about it for me. 

I think I've done a good job of it, which is why I've been able to maintain so many strong, deeply meaningful relationships... but it requires a HUGE amount of effort.

And in my 41 years on this planet, it has never gotten easier. It's not like learning to drive a car, where it's hard at first, but then eventually becomes second nature. Nothing about how I interact with others is second nature.

Even something as simple as asking my husband how his day went. I ask him this every single day, and I do it because I care about him and genuinely want to know... but my autistic brain simply doesn't do it automatically. I have to remind myself to do it Every. Single. Day.

And honestly, this doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of how this autistic challenge plays out in my life, but I hope this example helps some of you understand how relationship difficulties can feel for an autistic level 1 person. 

Ok, that's all I got for now.

If you're autistic, I'm curious if any of this resonates with you.